Failure

Robotic.
I no longer feel anything.
Every smile, every laugh –
All faked for the benefit of others.
I don’t care about my happiness.
I can’t care about something
Which no longer exists.
I won’t care about myself.
I’ve tried to care.
I just cry.
Why should I love myself
When all I achieve
Is heartache,
Longing for the impossible,
Wishing for the past?
What is there to love?

I failed at making you happy.
Therefore…
I don’t deserve to be.

I Am Broken [(Class Assignment)]

I am skeptical and broken.

I wonder if my love will always be ignored.
I hear the fragile glass of my soul shattering.
I see beams of sunshine while personally lost in darkness.
I want to be rid of this suffocating lonliness.
I am skeptical and broken.

I pretend to smile and laugh and be happy.
I feel the realm of reality slipping through my desperate grasp.
I touch his muscular arm...in my memory.
I worry that I'm going to lose him altogether.
I cry for things long gone, for the bleakness of my future.
I am skeptical and broken.

I understand he cares about me in some way.
I say, "It's okay; I just want you to be happy."
I dream of his love, gone from me, given to another.
I try to give myself one good reason to let him go.
I hope I can...some day.
I am skeptical and broken.

Loveless

Thoughts whirl around in my brain
Of you
And her -
Together.

I long to hate you both.
I won't.
I can't -
Impossible.

All alone in this bitter darkness,
I'm sobbing
And broken.
Unwanted.

I want you to love me.
You don't,
I know.
Useless.

I miss you, but who cares?
Not you.
Not her.
Nobody.