Absence and Presence

Black.
The absence of all color.
The absence of all emotion.
The absence of anything and of everything.
I have a color,
A color uniquely me.
A mix of burning red,
Depthless blue
And soaring yellow.
A mix of palest pink
And fragile white.
When you left,
You - my world, my existence,
When you left me,
My life-
Without you-
Could be defined by only one color.
Black.
And then you came back!
All my color returned to me
In a single, heart-stopping second.
My color,
Just right for me,
Which is dead without you,
Which kills me when it is gone,
It returned to me.
My soul has been found once more.

A Feeling

I may be the only thing
Worth everything I demand in return:
Bravery and sacrifice and commitment.
Forgiveness and compassion and faith.
What am I?
I may be the only thing
Worth everything if I go wrong:
Regret and sorrow and tears.
Brokenheartedness and loss.
Can you guess yet?
I may be the only thing
Worth my weight in gold,
Worth taking chances for,
Worth all I put you through.
Do you give up?
I'll tell what I am,
Why I am worth so much.
I am the best feeling in the world.
I am the feeling of love.

Alone

Alone
And unknown.
Forsaken
And shaken...
This is what creates me.

Shouts
And doubts.
Mistrust
And disgust...
This is what enfeebles me.

Sighing
And crying.
Depression
And aggression...
This is what destroys me.

A friend
To mend
The pain
And strain...
This is what I am longing for.

Seclusion

Black.
The absence of all color.
The absence of all emotion.
The absence of anything
And of everything.

I had a color,
I color uniquely me.
A mix of passionate red,
Soothing blue,
And joyous yellow.

And now, you -
My world -
My existence -
Now you are gone.
My life,
So cold and bitter,
Can now be defined by one color alone...

Black.

My color,
Just right for me,
Has disappeared,
Smothered by the blackness.
It has ceased to exist.
Just like that.
It's killing me to be

Absent
Of all
Color.

Remembrance

I always thought of you,
But now I rarely do.

I always cried looking back,
But now I laugh instead.

My heart used to be in constant pain,
But now it seems rebirthed.

I was in love with you.
I will always love you.
There's a subtle difference
Between loving and being in love.
I've discovered that fine line.

So finally,
I remember.
I remember how to forget.
How to be myself.
How much my family
And my friends mean to me.

I can remember not to lose myself
I'm seizing onto my heart and soul
And never letting go again.
Most importantly,
I remember this:

I remember how to be...

Happy.

Hate and Love

I never want to see again.
You make me so outraged!
You hurt my pride.
You took me for granted...
And you mangled my heart.
It feels so incredibly fragile,
Like it's bound together
By a flimsy strip of duct tape.
But every time I think of you,
My heart beats wildly,
My stomach twist and turns,
I can hardly breathe:
But you found someone else.
You love her, not me,
And I love you, no one else -
Futility to the highest degree.
What gives you this right, to play with my heart?
Who do you think you are, to put me through this?
How can you do this to me, like I mean nothing?
Where in the world is it okay to hurt someone, to fake affection?
When will I be free, from you and from all this pain?
But most of all...
why can't I decide between love and hate,
Hate and love?

Friends

Everything is right with my world.
While we were fighting,
I felt that world falling apart.
I felt...
Displaced,
Detached,
Surreal.
It was like one long nightmare
Where I couldn't wake up.
But now we're both forgiven,
And I've returned to my life.
My life -
Where I never yell
Or glare
Or ignore.
My life -
Where I'd rather laugh
And talk
And smile.
My life -
The life I love to lead.
My life -
Where you are my friend.

It Takes Time

You have to give me time.
Not a lot,
But I do need some.
I can't forgive you right away.
You really hurt me.
You made me miserable.
What you said
And what you did -
Well, not everyone would forgive you.
I want to, though.
I really do.
But I need a little time,
So I can.
Please don't be mad.
Please don't give up on me.
Please don't think I'm a lost cause.
It takes time
For the heart to mend.
It takes time
For your words to seem
as if they were never uttered.
It takes time
For people to forget.
It takes time.

Admit It

You're mad at me -
I can tell you are.
You won't admit it,
You even say you aren't,
But I can tell.
You can't lie to me,
Not even to spare my feelings.
I'm a big girl, so just admit it.
I can handle the truth.
I'm sorry if you think I'm wrong.
I'm sorry if you disagree,
But I will not back down
When I think I'm right.
So just admit you're angry.
We'll get through this.
Maybe you'll forgive me,
Maybe you'll see you're wrong.
But whatever way we overcome this,
The first step is telling the truth.
Admit it -
Just admit you're ticked.
Admit it!

Freedom

I feel so liberated.
I feel amazingly free.
The weight has been lifted
From my aching shoulders.
I can breathe!
This is fantastic, incredible,
This feeling I'm experiencing.
My heart is light.
My head is clear.
You finally know how I feel.
I feel the world is my oyster,
And you are my precious pearl.
I love being so care-free,
If only for a minute,
A moment,
One split second,
Before worry and fear
Crash back down around me.
I feel like I'm on top of the world.
I feel like I'm floating on a cloud.
Maybe this feeling will stay awhile,
Maybe it'll disappear by tomorrow.
So I'm going to enjoy it while I can.
Who knows when I'll feel this way again?
But for now,
The world is my oyster,
And you are my precious pearl.

My Shell

Why can't I trust?
Why is it so difficult?
You've never done me any wrong.
You tell me you love me.
Maybe it's not you I don't trust...
Maybe I don't trust myself.
Maybe I'm scared to love,
To love love unconditionally,
Like you do me.
Am I scared of love?
Why should I be?
Because...
Because love is new.
Love is exciting.
Love is exhilarating.
Yet love is...
Is terrifying.
It's full of self-sacrifices,
Full of self-realization.
Maybe that's what I'm scared of.
Of showing people who I am;
Of showing off the true color of my soul;
Of letting myself shine.
And I've got to break out -
Out of my confining, pitch-black shell.
I've got to get free!

Words Hurt

It pains me mercilessly when I think...
...Our friendship is over...
It's over forever.
There's no more going back.
You could have saved it, you know.
You could have, if you'd wanted to.
Then again, I could have, too...
What have I done?
I'll tell you what I've done.
I've let my pride get in the way.
I've waited for you to fix a mistake.
A mistake we both made.
We are both at fault.
And instead of trying to mend it,
I've sat by passively, listlessly,
Watching every chance slowly slip by,
Until now, every chance has melted away.
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But your words - my words -
Have cut deeper
Than mere flesh.