Suffocation

I feel blank.
My emotions are gone,
Nowhere to be found,
Running away.
Or maybe I'm the one running,
Running from them,
From everyone and everything.
I'm blocking my emotions out,
But I need them to come in.
Can I truely call them mine?
If I cannot feel them?
I don't want them;
Yet I'm not me without them.
I need to be able to feel afraid.
I can feel the tears burning,
But my emptiness forbids them to leave.
I'm suffocating under the pressure -
So much pressure! -
The pressure to be perfect,
The pressure to obey,
The pressure of childhood -
A childhood long gone.
They'd be so disappointed.
I'm down on my knees,
Begging and pleading
For thought and emotion
Once more.
I'll do anything...

H-E-L-P

To other people,
I seem fine.
No one bothers looking deeper,
They don't care.

I'm not okay.
I'm scared I'll be lost,
Be left standing alone
In the darkness.

I'm lonely as he passes,
Not looking,
As he is looking
At another.

I'm drifting.
I'm filled with a longing,
A need,
A desperation.

Someone see me
Hear me.
Become aware.
It's urgent someone realize.

My heart is tearing,
Unable to be mended,
Incapable of hanging on
To the last shred of its sanity.

I cry out silently
With my very soul.
Although it is mangled
Beyond recognition.

It's tortured, screaming,
Yet still begging
With all its got.
Still pleading.

Someone...
Anyone...
Help.