Relief

I wake,
Remembering.
I wish to forget.
I lay a moment,
Weak,
Disoriented,
Overwhelmed.
Pain rips through me,
Destroying both mind
And spirit.

Slowly,
I remember
How to forget.

I reach slowly,
Quietly,
Into my nightstand.
And slowly,
Quietly,
I retrieve My Helper,
My Only Friend,
A knife.
Glittering in the dull,
White moonlight,
It radiates
With a sense of purpose.
This is what it lives for.

Pressing the gleaming,
Eager tip
To a pulsing,
Pale blue vein,
Gasping at the sharp bite,
I marvel at the feeling.
The newness of an outward pain.
Physical pain.

I study a small river of crimson,
Slowly swelling.
It rolls down my paper-thin skin.
Under my curious gaze,
It slowly,
Purposefully spreads,
Dries,
Turns dark with age.

I sigh,
Relieved,
Exhausted.
I clean My Friend,
Getting him ready
For when I need
The pain again.

I peacefully drift off to sleep,
A smile on my lips.