Safe

I see your contagious grin–
My heart soars.
I hear your laughter –
My breathless giggles join in.
I feel you holding me –
My skin tingles, feeling the moment’s safety.

Safe.
How different for me
Feeling this way,
After so long
Straying from the high and narrow,
Fending for myself.

I now realize
Once we were both lost.
Then we found each other.
I'm so very grateful
For your presence in my life.
I now know
You saved me from darkness.

Safe.
It’s how you make me feel,
What you do for me.
It’s that you care for me,
That we mean something to each other.

I truly am

Safe.

January First

New start,
New fears,
New goals,
New year.

Snow falling outside,
Swish, swish,
Mind-cogs turning,
Click, click.

Memories churn,
I gaze ahead blind,
Energy internalized,
Trapped in my mind.

Deep breath in,
Brave now, brave,
You can do this,
Do not cave.

Time to plan,
Time to pray,
Time is sprinting,
Time gives way.

Dance

Drums beat out a rhythm,
Steady and slow.
That beat journeys
From the floor to my feet
Through my entire body,
Filling every pore,
Seeping out of my ears.

My heart unites to it,
Following its lead,
Thundering to the rhythm of song.

It hammers against my ribs,
And demands my feet to dance.
So they do.

Through the guitar,
The bass,
The keyboard,
I still feel my drums.
Still I'm under a spell to dance.

My hips join my feet,
And my shoulders and elbows and wrists.
They're all enchanted
By that simple, enticing rhythm,
Fueled by an electric current
Pouring from my veins
To every muscle that can move,
That can dance.

When the music fades,
So does the drumbeat.
My heart slows,
My feet stand still.
No more beat.
No more dancing.

Yet my heart still beats to a different tune,
A magic tune.
And somehow I know...

The music will never truly leave.

My Notes

A beginning and an end.
Fat notes and thin
Floating through the air,
Some without a care,
Some with a mission
To give us a vision.
Refusing to conform,
Our souls are reborn.

I love my notes
When they float,
For mine they truly are.
Release me from these bars.

Sweet notes floating,
Liberating, justifying,
Come to me,
Notes so free,
Help me survive,
Stay alive.

Gift Card

Walking the streets,
I spy a colorful plastic rectangle.
I pick it up,
Wipe off the dirt.
It's a gift card,
Twenty dollars for Old Navy.
So I walk there,
Card in pocket.
I stare through the window
And begin to go in,
Before I think of something.
Someone.
Turning around,
I head for the home of a little girl I know.
I feel my heart pounding with excitement,
With joy.

I finally arrive at the right house.
I take a deep breath,
Trying to calm my fluttering stomach.
I walk up the path
And I brush the bushes with my fingertips.
I quietly lift the lid of the rusted mailbox,
The only ornament on the dilapidated,
Well-loved face of the house.
I place the card inside and close it.
It's hinge squeaks a little.
I go home
And the next day I witness that little girl
In a brand new outfit,
A radiant smile upon her beautiful face.
That ecstasy is all I see.
All that matters.

I go home.
Crawl into bed.
And dream about magic.

Simple Things

Fancy clothes,
Expensive cars,
Diamonds,
Mansions.
Why?
It doesn't make you better.
It makes you forget the important things,
The simple things.
Laughing with a friend
Or singing in the shower.
A walk in the park,
The smell of rain.
The young flowers of spring,
The warmth of fire on a peaceful winter night.
The love of a pet,
Watching movies with your family,
Reading a good book,
Eating ice cream for dinner.
These are things that should matter.
Not how much money you have.

Where I'm From [(Class Assignment from two years ago)]

I am from nature,
From Hot Topic and fantasy worlds.
I am from the scented, the flowered, the cozy.
I am from the oak, the rose, the puffy clouds,
The cactus, the daisy, the bubbling brook,
Care-free and happy.
I am from prayer and love, from Rich and Jen.
I am from the defensive and thoughtful,
From honesty and consideration.
I am from God and His love.
I am from Old America, turkey and pasta,
From the Polish immigrants, the artful.
Albums and scrapbooks
That keep memories alive;
Always fading, never truly gone,
The thrive through the years.

Must Be Free

You've gone,
You're happy,
You need nothing else.
So let me be.

You're nothing special.
You have no hold on me.
Let me be!

You can't tell me what to do.
Don't pretend you have that right.
You're not my boss.
Or my friend.

You are nothing.

My words are my words.
My feelings are my feelings.

I'm trying to live my life.

If you have such a perfect one,
Like you claim,
Why don't you stay out of mine
And go live it?

Fresh Start

New school year.
Fresh start.
Blue hair.
Stay true to friends.
Avoid jerks.
Sleep well.
Focus on schoolwork.
Stay positive.
Look forward, not back.
Love God.
Love Jesus.

The Light

I thought I'd hit rock bottom.
But you'd do something to make me fall still further,
Just when I believed I could not possibly sink any lower.
And then -

You simply didn't matter anymore.
I found a foot hold,
Discovered myself rising above your opression.
I have seen the Light.
I don't need you,
I never have.

I want someone who cares,
Who accepts me as me,
Who lets me be happy.

And when asked if I will miss you,
I'll smile and say,
"Miss who?"